i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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