Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
