Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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