Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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