weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
