three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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