This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
