I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
