so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i believe in u and ur pee
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
