Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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