I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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