I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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