he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
