If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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