If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
