I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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