I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
