and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.