I swear she didn't look like that last week.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?