D3 body, D1 cock
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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