On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.