and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
