oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?