she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.