He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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