I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
