Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
