how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
