The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
