Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
