well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
