finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
