3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
