it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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