I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think people are normalizing furries
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
