I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
