Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
