Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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