i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
