no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
