Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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