her vagina looked like bernie madoff
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
