2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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