I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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