You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
