So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He has the fingertips of a God
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