its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
