Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
