I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
