I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
