I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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