..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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