This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
