And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
