Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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