My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
