Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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