dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
