If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
