so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
where am i from again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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