whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Randomize
