that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
