When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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