Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
