Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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