I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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