well I can't set my house on fire every night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
did i walk over a car last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
