So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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