She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
