So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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