My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
