i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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