worst night to have a conscience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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